Drink vending machines

When the weather is cold the drinks are nice and hot, when the weather is hot the drinks are nice and cold. So in summer you drink the same can of ice coffee that you drink as hot coffee in winter.

Mirrors, Trains, and Vanity

-Yesterday I watched as a school boy on the train borrow his friends pocket mirror to fix and twist his already perfect hair for 20mins.

-Another day on quite a long train journey I watched as a girl, took out her mirror to fix her already perfect hair, after some time fixing, she put the mirror away, only to take it out about 10mins later to fix her hair again. Now her hair hadn't changed in the slightest - we were sitting on a train and there wasn't any strong gusts of wind or the like. The first time she did this I found it quite amusing, but she continued to do this throughout the entire journey, even though her didn't move at all from mirror glance to mirror glance...

Snack Bars

The snack bar is not what you may consider it to be. My greatest memory of a snack bar is when I walked past one in Tokyo with my mother looking for a restaurant- my mother delighted said 'Aileen let's have a snack - that's just what I feel like', the conversation continued with me explaining that a snack bar is not a snack like we know, but some type of lady snack to feast your eyes on!

Animal sounds

cat: nya nya
dog: wan wan
frog: gero gero
crow: ka ka
cow: mo mo
sheep: me mee
chicken: kokekokko
pig: bu bu
monkey: key key
duck: ga ga
monster: gao

Engrish

Hotel bedroom, Japan:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

Hotel airconditioner instructions, Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.

Men's lavatory, Japan:
TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT

Bar, Tokyo:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.

Hotel bedroom, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Shorts year in year out

Primary school kids wear shorts all year round and never seem to wear coats. The reason for this emmm.... Do kids not feel the cold? If I went outside the door in a pair of shorts and a little jumper in winter my mother would be furious, but kids here are brought outside by the hand with their scraggy little knees getting covered in goosebumps. It all seems quite the norm. "It'll make them stronger" one can only presume!

Strangely educated kids

Japanese kids study around the clock 24/7 no days off, however they don't learn the basic little things in life like how to light a match. I was humoured recently when a man came to our school to teach the kids how to light a match. Then the kids proceeded to have little races on how many matched they could light in a minute... The delight and all their faces was classic...emmm odd indeed.

Love hotels

Brilliant - pick your room from a vending machine that has pictures of all the weird and wonderful rooms. Go to your room, get locked in, pay by a little machine in your room when you wish to leave, and never get bothered my a living being the whole time you are there.

Rats

Never tell a co-worker something you don't want the higher beings in your workplace to hear! A lot of Japanese fellow employees like to tell tales and don't keep secrets from the boss :)

Where are the buggies?

Is it the lack of babies that causes the lack of buggies... or is that the wee kiddies must be strong and walk...

Umbrella forecast

The Japanese are a very prepared bunch of people who seem to always watch the weather forecast. If you look outside your window in the morning you will always know by the people walking by wether or not to prepare yourself for the rain. The sun could be splitting the rocks but they will still have their umbrella in tow. Now then, if you contrast this with Ireland a place that you will most likely get rain 5 days out of 7 a week... why do Irish never carry and an unbrella unless it is raining when they leave the house. Perhaps we are just a very optimistic nation, optimisim in Japan in the other hand never really exists.

Omiyagi

-When returning from a trip you must always bring back Omiyagi. Omiyagi is a gift of food that you offer as an apology for going away.

-When you had over your omiyagi to fellow employees on your return you should apologise profusely for going away in the first place.

In every train station, airport, place in Japan there is a huge variety of this omiyagi available. It is usually horrible stuff all wrapped up in individual fancy packaging. The price is a complete and utter rip off.