Animal sounds

cat: nya nya
dog: wan wan
frog: gero gero
crow: ka ka
cow: mo mo
sheep: me mee
chicken: kokekokko
pig: bu bu
monkey: key key
duck: ga ga
monster: gao

Engrish

Hotel bedroom, Japan:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

Hotel airconditioner instructions, Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.

Men's lavatory, Japan:
TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT

Bar, Tokyo:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.

Hotel bedroom, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Shorts year in year out

Primary school kids wear shorts all year round and never seem to wear coats. The reason for this emmm.... Do kids not feel the cold? If I went outside the door in a pair of shorts and a little jumper in winter my mother would be furious, but kids here are brought outside by the hand with their scraggy little knees getting covered in goosebumps. It all seems quite the norm. "It'll make them stronger" one can only presume!

Strangely educated kids

Japanese kids study around the clock 24/7 no days off, however they don't learn the basic little things in life like how to light a match. I was humoured recently when a man came to our school to teach the kids how to light a match. Then the kids proceeded to have little races on how many matched they could light in a minute... The delight and all their faces was classic...emmm odd indeed.

Love hotels

Brilliant - pick your room from a vending machine that has pictures of all the weird and wonderful rooms. Go to your room, get locked in, pay by a little machine in your room when you wish to leave, and never get bothered my a living being the whole time you are there.

Rats

Never tell a co-worker something you don't want the higher beings in your workplace to hear! A lot of Japanese fellow employees like to tell tales and don't keep secrets from the boss :)

Where are the buggies?

Is it the lack of babies that causes the lack of buggies... or is that the wee kiddies must be strong and walk...

Umbrella forecast

The Japanese are a very prepared bunch of people who seem to always watch the weather forecast. If you look outside your window in the morning you will always know by the people walking by wether or not to prepare yourself for the rain. The sun could be splitting the rocks but they will still have their umbrella in tow. Now then, if you contrast this with Ireland a place that you will most likely get rain 5 days out of 7 a week... why do Irish never carry and an unbrella unless it is raining when they leave the house. Perhaps we are just a very optimistic nation, optimisim in Japan in the other hand never really exists.

Omiyagi

-When returning from a trip you must always bring back Omiyagi. Omiyagi is a gift of food that you offer as an apology for going away.

-When you had over your omiyagi to fellow employees on your return you should apologise profusely for going away in the first place.

In every train station, airport, place in Japan there is a huge variety of this omiyagi available. It is usually horrible stuff all wrapped up in individual fancy packaging. The price is a complete and utter rip off.

Clothes by the calendar

This is a funny little thing about Japan. People wear clothes by the calendar. So let's see how I explain.

-Yesterday was June 1st and I believe it is the first day of the year that men are allowed to wear short sleeve shirts, an if their company isn't so strict they are allowed leave their jacket at home. So happily all the men were wearing there short sleeve shirts again today (June 2nd) even though it was a little chilly...

-May this is the first day of the year that you are allowed to expose your arms. So if it happens to be a little hot in April or god forbid March and you wear a short sleeve shirt - well you might happen to get some very strange looks.

-October this is the time of year when you are supposed to put back on those long sleeve clothes... and perhaps if there is a warm day and you expose a little more than should be exposing for that time of year well then you get "Oh Aileen Sensei you must be very cold" to which I kindly reply "No, I'm hot that's why I'm wearing a t-shirt :)"